ड़ायरी का एक पन्ना: उलझन भरी ज़िन्दगी


ना जाने क्यों, आजकल कुछ अलग सा एहसास होने लगा है। ये मौसम का खुमार है, या फिर कोई और वजह? क्यों मैं उसकी तरफ इतनी खिंची चली जा रही हूँ? ये जानते हुए भी, कि मेरे लिए उसकी जिंदगी में वो जगह नहीं है।

फिर भी क्यों मैं उसपर एतवार कर रही हूँ? उसका इंतज़ार कर रही हूँ? ना जाने क्यों उसकी सच्चाई, हर बातें, जानने के बाद भी फिर एक बार उसपर मर मिटने का मन कर रहा है। जिस बात से मैं अबतक अनजान थी, पास होकर भी जिससे मैं अजनबी थी, आज उससे दिल की हर एक बात कह देना का मन कर रहा है।Hand in Hand

जो कभी मेरी जिंदगी होकर भी मुझसे जुदा हुआ था। तब भी मैंने ना सुनी, अपनी दिल की आवाज़ और होने दिया था, उसे जुदा। फिर क्यों मुड़ी मैं आज उसकी तरफ?  इसका जबाब ना मेरे पास है, ना मेरे दिल के पास। ये कहानी थोड़ी अलग सी है। ये रिश्ता कुछ ख़ास, जो बिना परिभाषा बिना नाम का है। इस रिश्ते के लिए प्यार शब्द भी कम है, क्यूंकि ये प्यार से ज्यादा और ऊपर है।

इस रिश्ते में कई मोड़, तूफान आए, पर कोई भी रिश्ता, इस रिश्ते को तोड़ नहीं सका। क्यूंकि शायद ये रिश्ता, उपर वाले ने खुद बड़ी फुरसत में बनाया होगा। तभी हम बार बार उसी रास्ते पर आकर एक साथ खड़े हो जाते हैं।

पता नहीं क्यों, अब उससे जुदा होने के नाम से ऐसा लगता है, जैसे मेरी जिंदगी लेने यमराज खुद आए हैं।

Sad Girl

ये एहसास-ए-खुशी ज्यादा दिन तक नहीं रही। एक दिन उसने साफ साफ सब बोल ही दिया। कितना आसान था ना, वो सब उसके लिए कहना। उसने मेरी फीलिंग्स के बारे में कभी नहीं सोचा। जब चाहा दिल लगा लिया और जब चाहा दिल तोड़ दिया।

अगर उसे सच में मेरी इतनी फ़िक्र थी, तो पहले ही मेरे साथ प्यार का नाटक नहीं करता। पर उसने तो एक बार नहीं, बार बार मेरे दिल और फीलिंग्स के साथ खेला। उसे प्यार का दर्द मालूम था। फिर भी उसने मुझे क्यों नहीं समझा और मुझे हर्ट करता रहा…………………………….!

अब मैं उसे कभी भी अपनी दिल की बातें नहीं पता चलने दूंगी। अब मैं मान चुकी हूँ कि वो मुझे नहीं चाहता, ना कभी चाह पायेगा। इसलिय अब मैं प्रेक्टिकल सोच के साथ उससे धीरे धीरे अलग हो जाउंगी।


माना कि थोड़ा मुश्किल है, पर एक कोशिश जरूर करूंगी।

क्यूंकी जब मेरे इतने कहने पर भी उसने मेरा साथ नहीं दिया, तो कब तक मैं बार बार खुद ही उसके पास लौट कर जाती रहूँ। उसने कभी मेरे प्यार की  इज्ज़त नहीं की और उससे ये उम्मीद भी क्यों करूं? जब मैने ही खुद की इज्ज़त नहीं की, तो दूसरा क्यों मेरी इज्ज्ज़त करेगा?

थक चुकी हूँ मैं ब्रेकअप और पेचअप के जाल में। उलझ कर रह गयी हूँ दोस्ती और  प्यार में………….!

Post Author: Vineeta Mandal

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